I have read many pages asking for help for Christmas, I have read a story by Who~Knew, about a Christmas gift that wasn't wrapped in a box but of just a few simple words spoken by a stranger. There are pages by Shezablonde that offers inspirational words and pages by Soulight and myself who offer alternative ideas to the normal gift buying season.
A lot of people recently have come here for hope and assistance for this time of year especially parents who just can't seem to make ends meet or who are just making ends meet with no breathing room. We feel depressed because we feel that we aren't providing for our children or that they are missing out on something. We often say I want my kids to have better then what I had as a child, or I'm just trying to give my child the best life he deserves. Let me ask you a question, what is the definition of the best life possible for a child? Normally when I hear these statements it is often geared toward the materialistic side of life, I read once that if we keep on buying our children's love we are going to end up with a worldful of materialistic spoiled brats, I truly believe in this statement. I know we want the best for our children but the sooner we all realize this does not include money the better off the world will be. Even though I believe in one thing doesn't mean I don't question my beliefs so what does a parent do when they are confused about parenting, we take it to the experts our children. I told them to imagine two families one that is rich and one that is poor and I asked them who's family is better they told me they were equal because they have eachother. I then asked them who's kids were happier and they said the poor family because if they are rich that probably means the parents work to much and don't spend enough time with their kids. Just recently I questioned them about Christmas I asked them what does Christmas mean to them they said decorating the Christmas tree, family, food and Jesus. Not once was there mention of Christmas gifts. And actually last night while we were decorating the tree for Christmas they asked if next year for Christmas if they could have a real Christmas tree decorated in food for the animals and put presents under the tree for the animals with food in it so they could watch them come and eat. Once again not once was it mentioned of me buying them anything.
Christmas time is supposed to be a time of joy and celebration. But most people feel the only way to celebrate Christmas is to have those TV Christmas's where there are tons of presents under the tree and tables overflowing with food. Because some people can't achieve the TV perfect Christmas we feel less of a person or parent. People find themselves depressed and not worthy and often times this turns into tragedy. I want people to know Christmas is more then gifts, If you are religious it's about Jesus and if you aren't it should be about your family. I know all to well how Christmas can destroy a family if you let it, and that's what I am about to share with everyone.
Yesterday was the fourteenth anniversay of when my papa disappeared, he left for work that morning but never went to work. He never let on that anything was wrong he was the manly man type and never showed emotion. He was a busdriver for my school district and all of my classmates knew him and like me they knew he never took off work. When he wasn't on the bus that day they asked me where he was I found it odd but said I didn't know and went on about my day. That day when I came home from school my mom and stepdad were waiting for me and said we have to go to mamas your papa is missing and no one knows where he is. He was a funny type of guy he would drive an hour because pop would be on sale at this one store so he would have to go and buy it to save money. So I just said there was probably pop on sale in Texas and he went to buy some. He never came home that night and I still wanted to believe he found a good sale on something that he had to have I never tried to worry about him. The next day I was in school and over the announcements they said that my papa was missing and to pray that he returns safely home to his family. Once again after school we went back to my grandmas and waited they had contacted the TV stations. Still my papa never came home and I went back to school the next day, and I knew something was wrong. My papa was found that day, he had killed himself, a hunter had found him a couple towns over. My grandfather was depressed because of Christmas, he didn't want to face us Christmas eve when we were opening up our presents. He felt he would be letting everyone down because he wasn't able to provide us with the extravagant Christmas he felt he had to.
If only he knew or remembered that it wasn't the presents that we wanted it was him. The little things he did made our Christmas. That year on Christmas eve we were at my mamas house we cried most of the time. Then it was time to open up presents my mama said "before papa left us he bought everyone presents and wrapped them I didn't put his name on them to try and trick you" after looking at the present I could tell right away it was his handwriting and he could never spell my name right and of course this year like every other year it was spelled a new way. My papa always bought everyone one sweater and some stinky perfume or cologne or bath gel he'd tell us we stink and needed to wash our behinds better or to wear the perfume to cover our smell. We would always tell him that Christmas wouldn't be Christmas without our ugly sweaters or stinky stuff. My cousin and I still have those last two presents he had given us and Christmas has never been the same without them. If only my papa knew all we wanted for Christmas was him that presents under the tree wasn't important he might still be here with us.
I am an adult now and while I still miss my papa every year and still wish he was here I realize that he had given me the best Christmas present possible. From him I can remember that Christmas is not about presents. I am not less of a parent because I can't put a ps3, cell phone or mp3 player under the tree for my children. I am not less of a parent if the only gift I can provide my children is an ugly sweater and a bottle of stinky perfume. And I am not less of a parent if I can only provide them with a Christmas breakfast and a marathon Christmas movie day.
We are the ones who set the example for our children and if we only think about presents on Christmas that is what our kids will think about but if we teach our children that Christmas is not about presents then that is what our kids will believe. This Christmas instead of worrying about Christmas presents wrapped in boxes give your children a Christmas present of a new family tradition. Something that they will be able to take with them as adults, something they can look back on and say we didn't have everything that money could buy because money could never buy my families love. Lets all make a change this year for the better, if we all change we can change the world.
Christie
